That time I started a pretty good blog post and forgot about it.
DISCLAIMER: I recently had the urge to get back into blogging, and as I reopened my old blog account, I saw this post in my drafts. It is the beginning of the story of a half marathon I ran 9 years ago. The story was definitely a learning experience for me. Unfortunately, this draft does not tell the full story of what happened during that race, but it was humorous enough rereading it now 9 years later that it felt like a waste to delete. Perhaps if this post gets enough likes I will try to recall and write down the rest of the story. This is a picture of me putting a smile on the outside while dying on the inside.
The original blog post was the following:
As many of you who have made it to this blog have already seen, there have been pictures posted from my experience running the American Fork Half Marathon! This was definitely a big accomplishment for me and I felt that it is an experience deserving of being shared in my blog.
First off, I am NOT a good runner. Have I mentioned that already? During my childhood and basically up to my sophomore year of college, I stayed pretty athletic. I love soccer and played for most of those years growing up but found I never really had the patience or the attention span to run for the sake of running. Because soccer is a sport consisting mainly of sprints, I found myself burning out pretty fast when I got on a treadmill or tried to run long distances.
I was able to begin my training for the half marathon by working on an elliptical at my apartment's cute little fitness center. I was able to bump up the resistance of my running and was feeling pretty good about my progress. Then "summer" began, and I was able to get more hours at my new job. The sudden major increase in hours was draining and I began to excuse myself from daily exercise hoping that the energy spent at my new job would suffice. What a lame excuse that was! Before I knew it, June 20th had arrived and the next morning I would be waking up at 4:00 to catch a bus up the canyon and somehow run 13.1 miles with a crowd of seasoned runners had arrived.
I was nervous and woefully unprepared. I stayed with family in a nearby town that night so that I would not have to drive so far the next day. Surprisingly, getting out of bed was not too difficult since I barely slept. After I got to American Fork High School, reality set in on how truly unprepared I was. Out of the 2,500 runners who participated in the event, I was probably the only one who neglected to bring sweats or a jacket. I began thinking maybe I was an idiot and should just turn around and get back in the car. But I pushed forward, pinned on my number and got on one of the buses.
One of the other things I first noticed is that it looked like no one else was running alone like I was. I sat next to the window on the bus and just as I was beginning to suspect that everyone was with someone, a woman asked if the seat next to me was free.
"Yes!" I thought to myself. "I'm not alone in being alone!"
The woman (who I think said her name was Jessica) was nice and friendly and began to put my nervousness at ease when she asked if this was my first half marathon too and shared with me her same feelings of anxiety. She too pointed out how it seemed that everyone else on the bus had done this before. It was like this woman was reading my mind! I began to relax more, becoming more confident that I could complete this half marathon.
However, once the bus reached the mouth of the canyon, the conversation took a turn, at least for me, into a dark cave of never-ending despair. The woman who had just seconds before given my mind some comfort slowly pulled that cozy blanket out from under me by asking, "So what other races are you doing this summer?"
My mind went blank. I paused for a moment, took a conscious breath and repeated back three of her words, "What other races?"
"Well, you know..." she paused "Like any other of the many 5K's or 10K's that are in the valley?"
The only relief I found in this moment was that it was still dark outside, and the woman probably could not get a clear look at my expression.
"No..." I replied calmly. After a short awkward pause of me remembering that her question was not a yes or no one I added, "I haven't signed on for any yet." Not that I had any plans to do any more.
"Oh!" she exhaled, as if she had been holding her breathe waiting for a response. Now I only can assume that because of her own nerves and feeling the need to cover up the increasingly uncomfortable vibe that must have been coming off me, the woman picked up the pace in the conversation.
"Next week I am doing [insert racing event here]!" she began.
I began to feel my body tense up.
"Then two weeks after that I am doing [insert another]" she went on. "It will be my second time running it! My first-time last year was actually way fun even though I was pretty nervous."
Internally I reminded myself to keep my breathing steady as my pulse began to quicken. I was still sitting.
I tried setting my body language and expression so as to not give myself away for how terrible this was making me feel. I put my eyes into the "listening" position and set my smile to "Oh! That's neat," and would sometimes nod my head in agreement with a "huh" or "yeah".
The woman continued with how she started running a couple years prior as a way to get rid of the baby weight. She talked about her husband and her kids and how she wanted running to be just "her thing." She talked about how she was still trying to lose some of the baby weight. (The woman was obviously smaller than me).
She obviously wanted some reassurance to help calm her nerves, so I remained positive. She was oblivious to how her words were causing my insides to shrivel up and whimper their last breathes.
I found other topics and ways to relate to her, so we were able to keep the conversation going smoothly all the way to the top of the canyon. All though we related in some ways, she was still on a level two years ahead of me! Here she was, in my eyes and experienced runner in comparison, going on about how she was nervous! Meanwhile I was stupid enough to make a half marathon my first running event.
First off, I am NOT a good runner. Have I mentioned that already? During my childhood and basically up to my sophomore year of college, I stayed pretty athletic. I love soccer and played for most of those years growing up but found I never really had the patience or the attention span to run for the sake of running. Because soccer is a sport consisting mainly of sprints, I found myself burning out pretty fast when I got on a treadmill or tried to run long distances.
I was able to begin my training for the half marathon by working on an elliptical at my apartment's cute little fitness center. I was able to bump up the resistance of my running and was feeling pretty good about my progress. Then "summer" began, and I was able to get more hours at my new job. The sudden major increase in hours was draining and I began to excuse myself from daily exercise hoping that the energy spent at my new job would suffice. What a lame excuse that was! Before I knew it, June 20th had arrived and the next morning I would be waking up at 4:00 to catch a bus up the canyon and somehow run 13.1 miles with a crowd of seasoned runners had arrived.
I was nervous and woefully unprepared. I stayed with family in a nearby town that night so that I would not have to drive so far the next day. Surprisingly, getting out of bed was not too difficult since I barely slept. After I got to American Fork High School, reality set in on how truly unprepared I was. Out of the 2,500 runners who participated in the event, I was probably the only one who neglected to bring sweats or a jacket. I began thinking maybe I was an idiot and should just turn around and get back in the car. But I pushed forward, pinned on my number and got on one of the buses.
One of the other things I first noticed is that it looked like no one else was running alone like I was. I sat next to the window on the bus and just as I was beginning to suspect that everyone was with someone, a woman asked if the seat next to me was free.
"Yes!" I thought to myself. "I'm not alone in being alone!"
The woman (who I think said her name was Jessica) was nice and friendly and began to put my nervousness at ease when she asked if this was my first half marathon too and shared with me her same feelings of anxiety. She too pointed out how it seemed that everyone else on the bus had done this before. It was like this woman was reading my mind! I began to relax more, becoming more confident that I could complete this half marathon.
However, once the bus reached the mouth of the canyon, the conversation took a turn, at least for me, into a dark cave of never-ending despair. The woman who had just seconds before given my mind some comfort slowly pulled that cozy blanket out from under me by asking, "So what other races are you doing this summer?"
My mind went blank. I paused for a moment, took a conscious breath and repeated back three of her words, "What other races?"
"Well, you know..." she paused "Like any other of the many 5K's or 10K's that are in the valley?"
The only relief I found in this moment was that it was still dark outside, and the woman probably could not get a clear look at my expression.
"No..." I replied calmly. After a short awkward pause of me remembering that her question was not a yes or no one I added, "I haven't signed on for any yet." Not that I had any plans to do any more.
"Oh!" she exhaled, as if she had been holding her breathe waiting for a response. Now I only can assume that because of her own nerves and feeling the need to cover up the increasingly uncomfortable vibe that must have been coming off me, the woman picked up the pace in the conversation.
"Next week I am doing [insert racing event here]!" she began.
I began to feel my body tense up.
"Then two weeks after that I am doing [insert another]" she went on. "It will be my second time running it! My first-time last year was actually way fun even though I was pretty nervous."
Internally I reminded myself to keep my breathing steady as my pulse began to quicken. I was still sitting.
I tried setting my body language and expression so as to not give myself away for how terrible this was making me feel. I put my eyes into the "listening" position and set my smile to "Oh! That's neat," and would sometimes nod my head in agreement with a "huh" or "yeah".
The woman continued with how she started running a couple years prior as a way to get rid of the baby weight. She talked about her husband and her kids and how she wanted running to be just "her thing." She talked about how she was still trying to lose some of the baby weight. (The woman was obviously smaller than me).
She obviously wanted some reassurance to help calm her nerves, so I remained positive. She was oblivious to how her words were causing my insides to shrivel up and whimper their last breathes.
I found other topics and ways to relate to her, so we were able to keep the conversation going smoothly all the way to the top of the canyon. All though we related in some ways, she was still on a level two years ahead of me! Here she was, in my eyes and experienced runner in comparison, going on about how she was nervous! Meanwhile I was stupid enough to make a half marathon my first running event.
"WHAT WAS I THINKING?!" I was screaming internally.
Before I realized what had happened, I was standing outside of the bus in the cold with the other runners who had arrived. This is when I truly regretted not bringing more with me. We had over an hour before the race would even start and people were huddling together with the groups they came with. I pondered the banana in my green bag and began debating with myself whether it would be best to eat the banana now or later. If I ate it now, I might get hungry during the race. If I ate it later too soon to the race, I might feel sick while I run. My mind was still in a fuss as I tried to calm my nerves from the conversation on the bus.
"Hey, you!" the woman from the bus showed up next to me with a smile on her face. I was happy to have made a friend and not be alone, yet my shriveled insides turned at the thought of continuing the bus conversation. I smiled back and it continued. As we talked, we began stretching. I was glad I was able to give her some comfort, but at the same time I knew that if I did not get away from her soon, my external self would reflect my internal self and I would curl up in a ball and cry until someone could drive me back to the bottom of the canyon.
There was an announcer giving us updates and calling out raffle prize winners. It was definitely a great way to keep us all entertained until the race began. I showed a lot of interest in what he was saying as to not give my new friend too many opportunities to say things that made my stomach turn.
"You know," and she gestured over her shoulder at an older gentleman among a group who had what I would call 'runner's legs', "I heard that man say to his group 'So do you actually train for these things, I haven't been running in months!'" she said with this astonished, almost disgusted look on her face.
I remained uncertain as to whether she was trying to make me feel better or not with this comment.
"Can you believe that?! He's going to get himself hurt or something!" she added.
I grimaced a smile back. What was I going to do? And then a figurative rope was thrown my way by the announcer.
"And if you look over to the left side we have a banner we would like you all to sign when you get the chance!" he exclaimed with the consistent tone of excitement.
"Yes!" I thought to myself, "A distraction from the mad woman trying to make my brain vomit."
I quickly jumped to my feet, almost unaware of my automatic invitation to my new "frenemy" to follow me.
There were markers hanging from string at the top of the banner and we waited our turn to find an opening. I grabbed a marker on the end. I was vaguely aware of her saying she was going to try and sign the middle of the banner.
After I finished signing on the border of the banner, I realized she was out of my line of site.
This was my chance!
I looked back and forth like a child crossing a street and then darted into the crowd unnoticed. Suddenly all those times as a child when I would nearly give my parents (and myself) panic attacks by getting lost in strange places came in handy. I was able to lose her faster than I expected and started to breathe a little easier.
Did she too maybe want to lose me? I will never know. The woman had good enough intentions, and perhaps we would have made good friends if she had not given me the feeling I was on the edge of a cliff, willingly about to jump with nothing but a bed sheet for a parachute.
Before I realized what had happened, I was standing outside of the bus in the cold with the other runners who had arrived. This is when I truly regretted not bringing more with me. We had over an hour before the race would even start and people were huddling together with the groups they came with. I pondered the banana in my green bag and began debating with myself whether it would be best to eat the banana now or later. If I ate it now, I might get hungry during the race. If I ate it later too soon to the race, I might feel sick while I run. My mind was still in a fuss as I tried to calm my nerves from the conversation on the bus.
"Hey, you!" the woman from the bus showed up next to me with a smile on her face. I was happy to have made a friend and not be alone, yet my shriveled insides turned at the thought of continuing the bus conversation. I smiled back and it continued. As we talked, we began stretching. I was glad I was able to give her some comfort, but at the same time I knew that if I did not get away from her soon, my external self would reflect my internal self and I would curl up in a ball and cry until someone could drive me back to the bottom of the canyon.
There was an announcer giving us updates and calling out raffle prize winners. It was definitely a great way to keep us all entertained until the race began. I showed a lot of interest in what he was saying as to not give my new friend too many opportunities to say things that made my stomach turn.
"You know," and she gestured over her shoulder at an older gentleman among a group who had what I would call 'runner's legs', "I heard that man say to his group 'So do you actually train for these things, I haven't been running in months!'" she said with this astonished, almost disgusted look on her face.
I remained uncertain as to whether she was trying to make me feel better or not with this comment.
"Can you believe that?! He's going to get himself hurt or something!" she added.
I grimaced a smile back. What was I going to do? And then a figurative rope was thrown my way by the announcer.
"And if you look over to the left side we have a banner we would like you all to sign when you get the chance!" he exclaimed with the consistent tone of excitement.
"Yes!" I thought to myself, "A distraction from the mad woman trying to make my brain vomit."
I quickly jumped to my feet, almost unaware of my automatic invitation to my new "frenemy" to follow me.
There were markers hanging from string at the top of the banner and we waited our turn to find an opening. I grabbed a marker on the end. I was vaguely aware of her saying she was going to try and sign the middle of the banner.
After I finished signing on the border of the banner, I realized she was out of my line of site.
This was my chance!
I looked back and forth like a child crossing a street and then darted into the crowd unnoticed. Suddenly all those times as a child when I would nearly give my parents (and myself) panic attacks by getting lost in strange places came in handy. I was able to lose her faster than I expected and started to breathe a little easier.
Did she too maybe want to lose me? I will never know. The woman had good enough intentions, and perhaps we would have made good friends if she had not given me the feeling I was on the edge of a cliff, willingly about to jump with nothing but a bed sheet for a parachute.
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